The Strangest Action Figures of the 1980s: A Journey into Toy Bizarro World
The 1980s were a golden era for action figures. Iconic lines like G.I. Joe, Transformers, and Masters of the Universe dominated toy aisles, capturing the hearts and imaginations of kids everywhere. But beyond these household names lurked a realm of peculiar and downright strange action figures that defied logic and convention. Join us as we delve into the weirdest plastic wonders that only the ’80s could produce.
- Food Fighters: When Dinner Goes to War
Ever wondered what would happen if your lunch declared war? Mattel answered that question in 1988 with Food Fighters, a line of anthropomorphic, military-themed food items. These 4-inch figures pitted the heroic Kitchen Commandos against the nefarious Refrigerator Rejects. Characters like Major Munch (a donut with a machine gun) and Mean Wiener (a hot dog sporting a flamethrower) turned mealtime into a battlefield. The absurdity was the point, and kids loved the blend of humor and action.
- Madballs: Gross-Out Spheres of Fun
In 1986, AmToy unleashed Madballs, grotesque foam balls with names like Screamin’ Meemie and Slobulus. These weren’t typical action figures, but their popularity led to the creation of larger, hard-plastic versions with movable parts. The appeal lay in their gross-out factor—a trend that was big in the ’80s. Madballs were squishy, collectible, and utterly bizarre, embodying the decade’s penchant for the weird and wonderful.
- Barnyard Commandos: The Farmyard Arms Race
Playmates Toys took a page from the Food Fighters’ book in 1989 with Barnyard Commandos. This line featured militarized pigs and sheep divided into opposing forces: the Rams (Rebel Army of Military Sheep) and the P.O.R.K.S. (Platoon of Rebel Killer Swine). Each figure was a punny play on military ranks and farm animals, like Sergeant Woolly Pullover and Major Piggyback. It was a short-lived but memorable series that left many scratching their heads while others reveled in its absurdity.
- Sectaurs: Warriors of Symbion
Coleco’s Sectaurs hit the scene in 1985, merging humanoid warriors with insect traits. These 7-inch figures came with companion insects that doubled as hand puppets, like the heroic Dargon with his dragonfly steed Dragonflyer. The level of detail was impressive, but the concept—half-man, half-insect warriors battling in a world overrun by mutated bugs—was a hard sell. Despite a comic series and a five-part animated miniseries, Sectaurs couldn’t crawl their way into lasting success.
- The Wuzzles: Hybrid Hijinks
Disney’s The Wuzzles debuted in 1985 as both an animated series and a line of plush toys. Each character was a mash-up of two animals, like Bumblelion (bumblebee and lion) and Eleroo (elephant and kangaroo). While adorable, the concept was undeniably strange. The Wuzzles blurred the line between action figures and stuffed animals, capturing a niche market that appreciated their cuddly yet peculiar nature.
- Army Ants: Tiny Troopers with a Sting
Hasbro’s Army Ants marched into stores in 1987. These small, rubbery ants wore military gear and were color-coded to distinguish teams. With detachable abdomens (which could be swapped), they offered a unique twist on the standard army men. The idea of insects waging war was odd enough, but the execution—complete with wacky characters like Blasted Billy and Recoil—made them stand out in the crowded toy market.
- My Pet Monster: Chains Couldn’t Hold Him
AmToy struck again in 1986 with My Pet Monster, a plush doll that was equal parts cute and creepy. Sporting blue fur, fangs, and neon accents, he came with breakable orange plastic handcuffs. The juxtaposition of a huggable friend who looked like he crawled out from under the bed appealed to kids’ love of the slightly scary. He even got his own direct-to-video movie, cementing his place in ’80s toy lore.
- Rock Lords: When Rocks Rocked
In a bold move, Tonka introduced Rock Lords in 1986 as a spin-off from the GoBots line. These transforming robots didn’t turn into vehicles or animals—they became rocks. Yes, plain old rocks. Characters like Boulder and Nugget waged war in a storyline that tried hard to make mineral-based transformations exciting. While the toys were solid (pun intended), the concept didn’t have enough sparkle to sustain interest.
- Bionic Six: Family Matters with a Cybernetic Twist
LJN brought Bionic Six to life in 1987, based on the animated series about a family given bionic enhancements. The figures were die-cast metal with removable accessories, showcasing impressive quality. But the idea of a nuclear family fighting crime together, each member with their own power, was an unusual take on the superhero genre. Despite its quirks, Bionic Six garnered a dedicated fan base that remembers it fondly.
- Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos: Action Kicks Logic to the Curb
Before memes made him an unstoppable force, Chuck Norris had his own cartoon and toy line in 1986. Kenner produced figures like Super Ninja and Tabasco, each with “Karate Action” moves. The notion of turning a real-life martial artist into an animated action hero with over-the-top villains was as ’80s as it gets. The toys were well-made, but the blend of reality and fiction made for a strange cocktail.
The strangest action figures of the 1980s are a testament to the era’s willingness to take risks and embrace the unconventional. Toy companies weren’t afraid to think outside the box—or, in some cases, smash the box entirely. These figures might not have achieved the lasting fame of their mainstream counterparts, but they carved out their own niche in the memories of those who owned them.
Whether it was food items waging war, animals in military garb, or rocks that transformed into robots, the ’80s proved that when it came to action figures, the only limit was imagination. Today, these oddities are cherished by collectors who appreciate their uniqueness and the bold creativity they represent.
So here’s to the weird ones—the toys that made us laugh, scratch our heads, and, most importantly, play. In a world where everything can feel a bit too polished, it’s refreshing to look back on a time when strange was the new normal.